do i actually love u?

im feeling frustrated and sad and angry with some boy i love but i can't love him for some reasons im sow bad rn i feel like throwing up im feeling sick like having a panic attack i need HELP i actually do cause my heart is breaking into pices i feel alone is not also about him i have something traumatic in me that i wanna throw it up and scream loud i dont wanna do anything i dont wanna eat i feel sick, but this boy the eyes of my heart sometimes makes me mad, sad and blushing i cannot understand this feeling but i do love him im geting confused i wanna left him for a lot of reasons but i can't i need someone someone that could help me thru this life. i can't anymore