Untitled Note

To: my best friend Haii what's up m8 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Turning 17 already sia. Proud of u sis. Anyway, I wish u the happiest day of the year. At the time of writing this letter, u would foolishly assume I was writing to a dear ol friend. Boy were u very wrong. I was actually writing to u. I actually don't know if you actually know that, writing a letter to you. I wanted to get u most of the things that u wanted to buy. U know the amount of stuff u've told me u wanted to buy. It's like the amount is just too much for me. I mean, it's not like I could remember all of it, but I'm pretty sure I could make a guess as to what uve wanted to buy. I wanted to buy some of the items for u, but then u know I got a money issue yeah, so my bad bro. I might be able to buy for u through the years, but for now, this is all I could afford for u. I hope u like it. And also to make it up for it, i will give up my dignity by writing this long letter. Think of this as a confession letter. I mean, I'm pretty sure I said it to you before, but I didn't quite address it properly at that time because it was just a bottled-up thing, and it just exploded out of nowhere and I overthink everything. Yeah, i think that day I was a mess. Ok I know I might not be able to explain things properly so if you have any questions that you need to ask, or you need to address something with me after reading this. I'm all ears. I'll try my very best to be open with you. Please do not share this with anyone, I am very paiseh. this is me being wide open as much as i can without cringing. very hard to do i might say. Man, I kept on approaching others about it because I didn't know if it was actually worth the trouble. The reason why i didn't have the balls to come up to u about it was that I was scared of it being not worth the while. So, basically, I liked you. I don't know if it's still the case now, I think it is. but ill get to that later. I'm so pissed about it too. I didn't think I would have known u this well at all when I first met u. thought u were just going to be one of those people whom I talk to for 5 seconds and never see again. But no, I somehow got to know u better than most of my previous friends. Which I am thankful for, I didn't know what I would do if I haven't met u now. U remember how I said everyone has a motive then u asked me what was my motive when it comes to u, yeah i mean I would assume u knew already. I mean, I can confidently say that you have made most of my days much more bearable as I get to release most of my problems to you. And also share my thoughts with you that don't usually talk to others about often. That is what got me interested in you initially. You actually listened to what i had to say and shit. I mean, that is what I thought. But mostly it's your personality. For a person like you, I was impressed by how smart, diligent, and caring you are. You can be damn funny, and you are always interesting to listen to. i can never get a person like you, I learned a lot from you too. For example, how to write a good essay. I wouldn't say i put them into use, but it is still interesting how you can mindlessly write so much in such a short period of time. Another thing that i find fascinating about you is that you play games. No really, do you know how many Malay girls i know of that are as pretty as you that are into gaming? None. You are the only one whom i can categorize as that. You can be caring at times. Which i really liked about you. i can somewhat be myself when I'm around you and just shit talk to you without having a second thought. I was so interested in you that I even abandoned game sessions with the people that I played games with and even just leave the group as a whole just to sit in a call with you. Though the calls can be quite once in a while, i appreciated that you didn't leave that call and just left me alone. In another way, you helped me shift my interest from gaming to another addiction which is staying actively healthy and going to the gym, which by the way is better. I would argue with you about something dumb that i did or said but the next day you just let it go just like that. How? How can a person like you be so nice to others? It's amazing. You are amazing. I would stay in the calls alone for a long period of time just waiting for u to join, and I would say it was worth the wait. I hear about your stories and got to know your lifestyle is not as good as it seemed. I feel you, bro. I really do. That's why I would always feel bad for you whenever you cry on the day's last time. You're really smart, determined, and careful when it comes to doing work, which i don't really see a lot from Malay girls, no offense. You helped me see the upside of having a fashion sense. Not only that, but you made me see the world differently. I wanted to improve myself because of you. i can safely say uve made an impact in my life that i would never forget. I mean, for a person whom I don't meet every day, i seemed to have a fondness for u somehow. I think that's why I have always treated u nicely most of the time. I have always been considerate when it comes to u. I've always put u first before me. I low-key cherished u and i wanted to see u happy and shit. I have never, in my life, been this considerate towards anyone else, even my boys, other than u. I don't know why, but i have done things for you that i would have never done for others. For example, I bought you food more often than others. Even willingly sending them to ur house although i may not feel like it or maybe even I feel tired that day. I still had that will to send u the food because i want to see u happy. Nevertheless, things aren't as good as I was hoping to be. I did like u. like I really did. But I couldn't say it to u. I would think things will just go wrong if I were to say something. I just knew u weren't as interested as I was in u. me just dropping the shell won't really do much other than cause more problems. At first, I thought I would get to know u better so that things could sway in my favor. Despite that, me knowing u better didn't really do much, but made me lose lots of hope. i listen to all of ur stories, ur interests and also what u like. Somehow you really got me to lose motivation to chase after u. i don't know why, but it is hard to get ur attention somehow or just show that I care for u. i won't point it out, but sometimes I just feel like u just don't care. No ok I know u didn't mean it, and I am well aware. To know that the person that u care for a lot doesn't feel the same way really sucks. But u can't really blame them. U cannot just force someone to like u back. the fact that u already knew about my secret but u didn't really say anything really just made me discontent. Even if I tried my best and I just kept on going, I still couldn't get anywhere near where I hoped to be. Also, u some got jealous because of u. ok, I will tell u why this time. When it comes to u, o have ur eyes peeled when it comes to attractive guys. Like low-key, u very high key on it. Really got me demoralized badly to know that you're outgoing for pretty boys. at this point, it seems dumb for me to even go for u right? And u might be right. i could be the dumbass to still be trying to go for u after all of this. Honestly, that time when u met that one dude and u have attracted instantly got his number, then u apparently wanted to make him cookies all of a sudden. When i heard that, i was just dumbfounded. I didn't know what to think. i was like that one woman who was to stunt to speak. After all the things that I have chased for, i could just lose it just in an instant by a pretty boy. i finally met with reality and it didn't treat me well. the same exact day I was fucking down. Like about to cry but was too mad to even do it. i couldn't accept the fact that this was my reality and I had to one way or another get over it. i was soo tired, mad and sad all at the same time i couldn't think straight because i didn't know what went wrong. What did i not do. Why isit that when i actually try, i can seem to get it right. is it just me, or am i just not it? Am I just not enough? Fuck, I was so pissed. but I understand it's not ur fault. i didn't blame u for it. i wouldn't blame u for it either way. People have their own interests, so i would judge them for it. Especially u. i had to talk to people about it because i needed help. i needed a third perspective to actually see what I'm doing wrong, or i need people to tell me what i went wrong. Honestly, they all just gave me the same answer. GIVE UP. just let her go, man. its not worth it. Know how to value yourself. You need to respect yourself. its been a long time, bro. Just drop it. i had nothing to say. i was just stunned. To know that i actually gave it a chance really got me pissed. Sleepless night have i wondered if I was just wasting my time and effort. i don't know meby I'm just thinking too much. With all that being said. I actually value u a lot. A good friend. An amazing friend. You're there when I'm alone, and I can share shit with u that I wouldn't be able to with others. Shit, I can have fun with u while playing games. i cherish our friendship alot and that is why i want to make u happy. Just so i can keep in touch with u. i can't imagine how my life would be if I didn't, or I don't have u in my life and to have that fear of losing our friendship i am willing to do anything to preserve it. i really need someone like u in my life. i need u. u make me happy in lonely nights and much more bearable. i don't know why but for me caring for someone really gets me going in life somewhat. Tons of fishes in the ocean, but not all are as special as u. u stood out from the crowd in my perspective. Me being able to talk to u is already enough to make my day. That's why i didn't stop trying, that's why i didn't stop talking to u even if I felt damn mad. One of the reasons why i didn't listen to my friends who asked me to stop. i always seem to find little hope. im shouldn't be expecting anything honestly. i have somewhat accepted it as it is. sorry im gonna need to stop here, i cringed a lot throughout reading and writing this letter. this is all from the bottom of the barrel and i was hesitant to write most of this but hey it's your birthday so yea. i wish u the best for the rest of ur lifetime. if u want to ask me any questions u can either message me or u can just ask me when we in call next time. all that being said u free on 31 Aug or like early sep? from: your best friend