Untitled Note

I really don't know what came over me or why I did that. Its probably because I wasn't contented, or maybe I just don't know how valuable and important you are to me. It was stupid. It wasn't my purpose to break your heart. Did you know that you're just so perfect, so caring, so loving to me, I'm scared that once you realize how perfect you are, you'll jus go find someone better than me, cuz I know I wasn't the best out there. I've seen other guys that are more handsome, more rich, more practical, and even smarter than me. I don't know how I got you, the prettiest and finest girl out of them all. Its probably just my luck. but I got scared that I won't be able to keep you by my side. Yoy see, other guys are just objectively better than me. They have confidence, the only thing which I lacked. Did you know that I miss you so so so so much right know, I really really want you back. But alas, I can't, my own mind and the guilt keeps preventing me. I promised myself to never hurt you or break your heart, but I did it again and again and again. I have no self control and every time this kind of things happens, you just forgive me easily. Fuck fuck fuck fuckkk I know like many other times you will forgive me again, but even if you really forgive me. I myself won't be able to forgive my own. Now I'm going to fucking drown myself with this guilt. By the way, I apologize for the curses, as every time i'm in your presence I always stop myself from spouting curses. You did nothing wrong to me, you just gave your love and care to me, but I wasn't even conscious of it till now. You gave me love and care, and I just broke your heart in return. Fuckk. You could say it's "Nakaka putang ina". I'm stupid fuck, and I just fuxking hate myself. In these past few weeks, I've been entertaining self destructive thoughts, while some even suicidal thoughts. This guilt is too much, and I shouldn't have wronged you. Fuxk now I'm considering death as an escape. Well, it's late in the morning now, and like usual, my emotions is running amok again I have so much feelings that I haven't expressed, so many words that I haven't said, but this 1000 character roblox limit is preventing me. I just don't know how to start. I'm too afraid to even dare to message you personally. It's 3:21 am now, and out of extreme emotions. I read the messages between us before. It was cringe, but also romantic. See how often I say "I LOVE YOU" to you every time we talk. We talked about dreams and our every day live. It was pretty normal. Then then it was gone, I don't know what came over me to do such thing. I don't know what you felt after it but hopefully it was quick, unlike me full of guilt slowly eating what's ever left of me Damn, this dreams and hopes is as painful as my own regrets Tell you what, I'm still hoping that everything will go back to the way it was before, but I know myself that it's not possible anymore and I should move on now, which I wasn't able to