dear

theres so much i wish you knew about me. yes I'm ur daughter but i don't think you know all you need to about me. to like understand me and the things i do and why i do them. you don't take the time to actually talk to me bout stuff. you never have. i think you just think everything thats wrong with me is because of my father when thats not the case at all. i forgave him when i was 13. i kind of got over the resentment that i felt towards him. for a while thats how i felt about you. not so much back then but within maybe the last 5 or 6 years, os maybe actually back then. anyway for a while i was just like "no she's doin this because she's stressed. she has work and is a single mom having to provide for three kids and really only take of one of em." i just pushed aside those feelings and never really allowed myself to feel them. recently tho i got over those feelings i guess. there are things that i figured out bout myself while in this healing process I've been in for like a year or two. i kind of pinpointed why i am the way i am or at least just the way i react to things i guess. I've been burnt out mentally since i was like 14 or 15. everything that happened before we moved to germany fucked me up pretty bad. it was a like the beginning of a breaking point for me in some ways. my eating got worse like instead of overeating i stopped. i didn't eat lunch at school like at all. that happened for months and you never asked why. you just told me that if i didn't start eating you would send me to a mental hospital or institute. i started getting lunch but i don't remember eating much of it. maybe a couple bites then id either throw it out or let my friends eat the rest or whatever they wanted of it.