Untitled Note

Leo, I have slowly realized more and more over the months that our relationship was obviously toxic, but I never realized how much it actually was. What you did to me was cheating no getting around that. Yes we agreed to a “polygamous relationship” at a point, but when you were sweet talking david and got with emma by definition cheating. We weren’t in a relationship, but you cheated the trust I gave to you. And with the latter part of our relationship I had to slowly give up more and more of my dignity just to think we have a chance to make this work. Leo, you made me a fucking loser. I’m not your lover, I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not even your fucking friend. I was your backup. I fucking hated being your backup. I wanted to remain optimistic and thinking I was the one you truly loved and these other people were just temporaries before we could actually meet. I knew the truth. I had a feeling of the truth. I was just too weak, scared, and delusional to accept it. Any venture of love you would go on, david, emma, that bitch you wanted to go to the movies with, that one girl who your parents liked, blaine, the neo-nazi white supremacist KKK Electric Boogaloo boy, sebastian. I was just your backup for whenever it would fail, which it always would. Those were the most miserable heart wrenching moments I have experienced in my short life. Month after month you would do something that sends a tight feeling to my chest and a lump in my throat. Looking back on all of it fucking disgusts me what you did and what I allowed you to get away with. Fortunately I have learned two things from our relationship. Its rather bittersweet, but its better to learn it than to get dragged to hell with another experience as similar as this. Have some fucking standards and never give up any part of my dignity or self respect under the delusion of love. To be honest, I’m not happy to see you happy. It just shows me everything we had wrong with each other. You could be more happy in one moment with your new partner than you ever could with me in the latter parts of when we were with each other. I don’t mean any ill will by saying that. Its just another slap to my face to see what we had meant nothing to begin with. It may have meant something at some point maybe, but it just devolved into one of the most miserable moments of my life without me even knowing it.